Its been a while since I've sat down to actually think about a proper post. Usually I do it before I sleep, but whatsapp has in a way become my blog. Best of all, it replies!

I honestly havent had this feeling in a long time. Its been more than a year since I last felt it. The feeling of being so occupied with work and things to do that thinking about the bigger picture actually takes a back seat. Things thats on my mind at the moment in order of priority; Korea > HR project > Cina > FYP > TE. Yes, in that order. Surprised?

There's the Korea trip which I'm really excited to go for, but problem with it is that its so last minute. Buying plane tickets were a headache, espectially with prices rising every few days. Organizing where to go is another issue. With the expectations of other group members under me, I can't hlep but wonder if they are okay with the itinerary. Too many days in Seoul? Not enough educational programmes? Not enough time to play? But I guess in a way, their lack of input or voice cancels out their right to complain. I hope this trip is educational and fun enough for the team. Its much easier to enjoy this trip as a participant, rather than leading the team. I guess I have a tendency to shy away from taking responsibilities. Time for a change?

Somehow, I feel a drive inside amongst all this busyness. Theres a tendency to work harder, clear off all assignments and settle all the email correspondence without delaying further. Maybe its just the feeling of being under pressure. You actually have a goal to work towards, rather than spend time aimlessly with deadlines a few blue moons away...

The meme craze has caught up to me. I feel that some memes actually very aptly capture a situation pretty well. And the one that goes for this busy-period would be:

But when all is said and done... life restores to normal. But what is normal?

Sometimes i feel like i've been given the cold shoulder,

but i guess when someone does that to you, you can't exactly fix it.

sigh...

P/s It doesn't make the pain go away. It only temporarily numbs the pain.

Feels damn good to be back home this Chinese New Year, after a one year absence.

The familiar cookies on the table, the playing of high pitched Chinese songs from special CNY programs, the familiar sounds of firecrackers, and last but not least, the company of family.

Would like to take this opportunity to wish you and your loved ones a Happy Chinese New Year. May the year of the Dragon keep you protected from all that is evil.

P/s I apologize in advance for what I'm about to do to my body over the next week. Will live healthy and exercise more after this season of celebration =)

I guess since I came back Singapore, there hasn't really been time for reflection. Most of the time I'm worrying about where to eat, who to eat with, what to do next, and my thesis.

Anyways, heard this from church a couple of weeks back. It actually helps to remind myself what forgiveness is when I'm not up for it. As the saying goes, "to err is human, to forgive is divine"

The ten commandments of forgiveness
1. Forgiveness is not easy. It simply takes time
2. Forgiveness is not forgetting. It doesn't mean a change in memory, it is a change of heart
3. Forgiveness does not overlook evil. It is not avoidance, it is not denial
4. Forgiveness is not indifference
5. Forgiveness is not the same thing as approval
6. Forgiveness is based on recognizing and admitting that people are always bigger than their faults
7. Forgiveness is willing to allow a person who has offended us to start over again
8. Forgiveness recognizes the humanity of the person who has offended us and that we are afterall, only human
9. Forgiveness surrenders the right to get even
10. Forgiveness means wishing the person who has offended us the best
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

Food for thought:

Sometimes you got to take care of yourself before the other

I will break these chains that bind me...

Goodbye 2011 - the twelve months to remember

January - The year started off with a bang. I was as excited as I would ever be. Flew to Sweden on exchange, and having the time of my life. It was the start of my six months travelling adventure. Meeting new friends from all over the world and having a taste of Europe. There's no better way to learn the geography of a region then to travel it yourself.

February - Spent my first ever Chinese New Year away from home. Miss my own brother's wedding dinner and celebration back in Kuching. I guess I would say I'm pretty upset that I missed the wedding, but hey, no better way to make up for it then to crash their honeymoon when I met up with them in Paris. =P I watched the greatest show on earth in Sweden, the northern lights show out in -25 degreens. Snowmobiles, ice fishing and snowfights for the win!

March - Its really quite ridiculous that I got three whole weeks for Easter holidays. Don't see the real reason for the break, but we took it as a chance to explore europe of course! Was eventually rather worried that the places I go to in Easter will clash with plans in Summer, but there was no problem at all! Grew closer to awesome friends. Kinda sad that I don't see them much anymore though. One is all the way in the US, and the other two are over in Pulau NTU. Oh wells, miss them travel buddies who have similar aims and budgets. Countries covered includes England, Scotland, Ireland, France and Spain!

April - Hrm, there isn't much to April as the first week was spent still on easter. After the trip, was the recovery period. Travelling for too long will eventually take its toll. There's a pivot point some time after the two week duration that you just want to stay at one place and not having to think of where to go and what train to catch next. Back in Lund, this is probably the month for visiting friends and all the cookouts in Lund. Projects and courseworks too started to build up.

May - Summer is coming! Lund is starting to get really pretty! Swedish people are always out along with the sun. Impromptu barbeques and chicks suntanning just outside my corridor 0.0 These people don't need to beach to suntan man. All they need is sun and an open field! People were just happy with the awesome weather when shorts enters the what-to-wear today vocab. On the other side of up, May wasn't such a good month for me. I had my suspicions confirmed. And it hurt. The other thing I remember about May, is the weird exam atmosphere. There's really no need to tell students not to cheat, no need to ask for permission to visit the washroom and lecturers answered your queries even with diagrams. Odd indeed but an enlightening change.

June - In the summer of '11, I travelled Europe with my best friend. Summer! A whole month of travelling for me. Starting in Manchester, and ending in Kuching! Countries covered includes Italy, Rome, Switzerland, Germany, Czech Republic, Holland! Photos, rain, private rooms, expensive food, breathtaking scenery, trains, buses, planes, chocolates, chocolates and more chocolates! Oh yes, the nightly beer, chocs and card sessions. If only life in NUS had a little more of these. Its probably the best that my summer could be. =)

July - Home Sweet Home. There's really no place like home. Its probably the longest I have ever been away from home. Six whole months away from home. I spent the month lazing around, eating, playing mahjong and not having to worry about anything in the world. Food was provided, money came from daddy and love came from all around.

August - Back to reality of NUS after an eight month break. Uni felt different, but it started off mostly with design project which occupied prety much the whole month. It was good in a way that I could concentrate on it. There were people around to eat lunches and dinners. All those poor souls in the design lab that worked overtime and some late into the night, while others camped over.

September - Uni now felt really different. Its like first few weeks in a school. Or rather like learning how to take baby steps again. In a way its starting with a clean slate, but that looking on the brighter side of things. Something always felt missing. Its just a phase till the void gets filled up and the world is whole again. My birthday came and went. I finally took a look at the big picture. To think and reflect on life. Turning 23, one more till the year of the dragon.

October - Somehow, NUS seems to warp the concept of time. Every month pretty much feels the same unlike on exchange where there's very significant landmarks for possibly any month. In the month of October, I pretty much used computer games to fill the void. A temporary but self destructive measure. Some modules actually started be be more fun with the friends that you make and go to classes to, and have meals before or after.

November - In doubt of whether I should, I went ahead with my gut feeling. Exams are such a pain. They take up all your time, or are supposed to take up all your time until you get sick and tired of it such that you switch of to fb, twitter or just to randomly surf around. I was constantly thinking of my FYP, but didnt do much as I probably was supposed to be studying for exams. Such a horrible feeling. Exam ended. For the penultimate time in NUS.

December - FYP aside, Christmas is in the air. Class chalet was an awesome idea. Getting to know acquaintances from school outside of school. Seeing the crazy side of things, and hopefully avoiding awkward moment. Also had fun watching my friends chior perform at orchard. Being part of the mini entourage and singing along to krysmas carols which I lovee! Haha. Didnt get to stroll through Orchard that night as it was raining. Its the first time that I spend most of December in Singapore. Coming back to Kuching never fails to recharge my strength to face the coming year. Eventually, these holidays will be cut short and come along less frequently due to work and then family. Who know who, who know when, and who knows where. Some people find love in the least expected places. I wrapped up the year going back on my words that I said on the first day of last year. But it was awesome!

Been lazy. Absolutely lazy to do anything at all. All I know is the year is ending, Christmas has come to an end, I'm going back to Singapore in a week and that my interim is due really really soon. 

Since I'm lazy to come up with a proper post, here's what is needed for the coming days while I/you/we think of resolutions to make in the coming year.

Plagiarised and copied 100%. 

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Creating S.M.A.R.T. Goals

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Realistic

Timely

Specific: A specific goal has a much greater chance of being accomplished than a general goal. To set a specific goal you must answer the six “W” questions:
*Who:      Who is involved?
*What:     What do I want to accomplish?
*Where:    Identify a location.
*When:     Establish a time frame.
*Which:    Identify requirements and constraints.
*Why:      Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal.
EXAMPLE:  A general goal would be, “Get in shape.” But a specific goal would say, “Join a health club and workout 3 days a week.”

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Measurable - Establish concrete criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of each goal you set.
When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued effort required to reach your goal.
To determine if your goal is measurable, ask questions such as……
How much? How many?
How will I know when it is accomplished?

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Attainable – When you identify goals that are most important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can make them come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. You begin seeing previously overlooked opportunities to bring yourself closer to the achievement of your goals.
You can attain most any goal you set when you plan your steps wisely and establish a time frame that allows you to carry out those steps. Goals that may have seemed far away and out of reach eventually move closer and become attainable, not because your goals shrink, but because you grow and expand to match them. When you list your goals you build your self-image. You see yourself as worthy of these goals, and develop the traits and personality that allow you to possess them.

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Realistic- To be realistic, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are both willing and able to work. A goal can be both high and realistic; you are the only one who can decide just how high your goal should be. But be sure that every goal represents substantial progress.
A high goal is frequently easier to reach than a low one because a low goal exerts low motivational force. Some of the hardest jobs you ever accomplished actually seem easy simply because they were a labor of love.

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Timely – A goal should be grounded within a time frame. With no time frame tied to it there’s no sense of urgency. If you want to lose 10 lbs, when do you want to lose it by? “Someday” won’t work. But if you anchor it within a timeframe, “by May 1st”, then you’ve set your unconscious mind into motion to begin working on the goal.
Your goal is probably realistic if you truly believe that it can be accomplished. Additional ways to know if your goal is realistic is to determine if you have accomplished anything similar in the past or ask yourself what conditions would have to exist to accomplish this goal.
T can also stand for Tangible – A goal is tangible when you can experience it with one of the senses, that is, taste, touch, smell, sight or hearing.
When your goal is tangible you have a better chance of making it specific and measurable and thus attainable.

Merry Krysmas to you.

This season of giving, and receiving has left me reflecting on the past year. Of the times I've been good, and the ones that I've been bad. Somehow out of it, there's this particular memory that keeps resurfacing, rearing its ugly head... Not my proudest moment. And I'm sorry.
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

Results originally never really mattered much to me. First class honors was never exactly the goal as it still is today.

In semester 1, it was the first test into uni. I didn't expect to hit first class or anything. Just to do my best and see where it gets me. From there, I'll have a gauge of my performance, and just work towards sth better. My grades that semester were very mediocre. I wasn't very unhappy, I was satisfied with my grades considering the other coursemates I knew.
Actual results: Second class lower
NEW aim: Second class upper

By sem 2, there was an aim. However, I was still pretty jaded with the modules I was taking. Most of the modules have nothing to do with civil engineering. Only statics which is the bread and butter of civil enginneering. Did well for that, but low and behold, I got trumped in maths by the chem engins and in physics by the mech engineers. Wait a minute, I think I actually got an A or A- for maths. Haha. Can't check atm cause I'm on the plane. Oh yes, I was pulled down by a lousy econs module. But in the end, my results surprised me and I was really much closer to my aim.
Actual results: Second class lower
Aim: Second class upper

Semester 3. Hrmm.. not too impressive semester at all. Can hardly recall what this sem was about. All I know is that I finally hit my aim of second class honors! Yay for me =)
Actual results: Second class upper
NEW Aim: Maintain Second class upper

Semester 4 is no doubt the toughest semester ever by workload. I was pretty actively involved in two CCAs, taking six modules and two of which were year 3 modules, not to mention also taking one even though I skipped a prerequisite module. What on earth am I thinking? It seems that I just wanted to maintain my second upper. The bell curve god wasn't satisfied though. He wanted to give me more. Somehow with all that to do, I came with an awesome deans list catapulting my cap into the possible to hit first class range! Suddenly, perspectives changes, and so do goals.
Actual results: Second class upper
NEW aim: First class honors

Semester 5 is yet another, but last semester that I'll ever need to take six modules. The sem probably contained the most amount of project work, most notably our campus design. All in all, I did well, but not as good as the last. Got screwed upside down by the easy foundation module, okay, a tinge of over-exaggeration here.. I do not do well for easy papers. I pride my work in knowing and being very familiar with concepts. I can do tests pretty quickly, but with allowance for careless mistakes. And that's where I didn't fare too well, being careless. Nevertheless, my cap moved ever so slightly towards my first class goal!
Actual results: Second class upper
Aim: Continue aiming for first class honors

So what does tomorrow hold? Its probably the make or break, whether it remains theoretically possible or impossible to reach my goal of first class honors. I told myself early in the semester that I would work towards it. Two deans list is all I need. Possible? Yes. In truth, I did work for it. But the hard truth remains that I could have done more. So many times during the semester I lost my motivation. Lost my drive to do well. Lost myself. I could study in school, study in the day, but it when I return to my room that all falls apart. Thats when all the hard work on the day time becomes average work done due to the night. My mind would wander, and it seems that I've developed a kind of allergic reaction towards studying in my room. Doesn't help the fact that I began playing games. Post-SEP syndrome? Maybe..

I guess if tomorrow when I'm no longer on track, there will be no pats on the back. Just a "Chris, you let yourself down". But if somehow I am, I will be thanking my lucky stars...

doomsday beckons.

I'll be going home tomorrow. After an extended semester, but much less unlike the last. I preferred the last when my semester lasted a month longer than normal and I didn't go back home for another month. What could I say, I was having the time of my life travelling Europe. Semesters always signify the end of yet another chapter of university. However, this seems to be the penultimate chapter before the finale.

And before this chapter closes, I wished to have my answers. Or so I thought. So many questions, so many doubts, so many unconfirmed conclusions. When, What, Why, and How. Questions that keep swarming my head over recent times. It seems that three contants constantly occupies my mind this semester. FYP and gaming. So many times and so many occasions I felt like stretching out, reaching out for the answers to solve the mysteries that clouds me. Yet, time and time again, I fail to take the final step out the door. Some people take risks in life. All or nothing they say. I am not that person.

At the end of any chapter, there are bound to be cliffhangers, and this just happens to be one of them. No need to wonder, no need to ponder, no need to assume. Just an after thought one day to laugh over, hopefully. In the end, I won't be doing that stupid something. Reconsidered, and changed minds since the last thought. Some friendships really do mean the world. You just have to hope that the feeling's mutual.

But I guess at the end of the day, if I get the privilege of asking one question, it would be to know how things are. One may not care what others think, but there are others who still care about one..

The days reflections.

In all games played, there seems to be a loophole, or rather a certain set of instructions made to make us think in a certain way, but not the entire picture of the game. We learn new rules along the way. Its frustrating at times that we seem to be cheated that we weren't given clear instructions. Disappointed? Yes. But its the reality of life. No one is going to give us the full manual on how to live life. Our parents, peers and teachers guide us along the way, setting the basic rules. But after that, we're on our own. Experience can be a painful teacher. So is trial and error. But this is the way life is. No one is going to tell you if you are studying in the right field, chosen the right career path or investing in the right commodity. No one is going to tell you who to love or how long to hold unto love. Every action has a risk. Every risk has a winner. Every risk has a loser.

We recognize the significance of a great leader, one who takes charge, delegates and supports. But at the same time, a team needs good soldiers. In the absence of speech and sight, when total communication with your team mates have been cut off, you just have to do your part as planned. Just go according to the plan as discussed. The rest is up to your team mates. Trust in them and that they would each do their part as well. Ideally, you would want to step in and manage the whole problem. But problems in engineering often requires the contribution of a team of players. No one is alone and a fully functional team, would be greater then the sum of its individual parts.

In feels like in the near future, I might end up doing something foolish, or stupid. When that happens, please forgive me...

Will I ever 4get today?

Just came back from undoubtedly the most awesome chalet experience that I have had in Singapore. Well, there's not much to compare with as this is only the second time going for a chalet. The first was back in 2007 with Sports Club.

Two activities pretty much summed up the entire night. Eating games and drinking games. If you think I forgot sleep, thats because we didnt get any, well for most of us anyway. Kings Cup, Give and Take, Action Games, Truth or Dare. Party games that are pretty much universal. okay, maybe not, cause the angmohs probably prefer beer-pong. Universal pretty much refers to MY and SG.

The supply of alcohol, was too much too handle which led to entertaining behaviour! Hanging out with friends outside of school time really allows you to get to know a different side of them. I was going to say get to know them better, but well, it isnt always better. But then we're only human. Its part of letting loose, or partying the night away. And the part of being a friend is accepting them for who they are. Loved the company. Absolutely loved it. I like the way that people are so freaking awesome in a way that we're not always out to sabo a single person. There's always somebody who speaks up when a person has had too much to drink or when a dare gets out of hand. Kudos to the really sporting people...

Some secrets revealed, some lies passed off as truth, while some managed to get away with minimal damage. Perceptions of people changed. You'll never look at things the same way again

And I found out who I am after having one too many...

Drunk words are sober thoughts..

And so comes to an end, the semester! One more semester left, and will be my long overdued graduation.

Warning: dry and geeky paragraphs ahead.

This sem, academic wise, hasn't exactly been easy, nor has it been terribly difficult. It started off with focusing solely on design project, where I spent more hours a day designing this bridge the I actually do sleeping. Its really cool that I get the feel of designing an actual project, but on the other side of the coin, I realised that there's so much to learn when I actually get out into the working world. In actual fact, midway through the project, it actually feels like, for every problem we run into, we just ask our external consultant. Maybe a little too much spoonfeeding? But I guess it would take forever if we didnt get answers from them. Check out my bridge below! =P


What followed next was probably the start of my final year project, and playing catchup with all the other modules. Struggled like crazy with my finite element module. I couldnt grasp what was the point of all the different matrices and nodes. I spent by far the most amount of time on this module, probably even more then my fyp itself! But at the end of it all, I began to see the signifiance of the module and actually found it a little fun! Not the exam tho. that was a little screwed up as a freaking axisymmetric question came out. Like hello? there was no example nor tutorial question on it ler. And three pages of cheat sheet? Overkill la. I probably could squeeze everything in two. But then my masterpiece was microscopic. Haha. And I saw someone bring a magnifying glass into the exam hall. Haha! Thats a first.

 

And by far my most favourite module this sem is the steel design! But then again, there's not many modules to compare with. FYP and design project doesn't exactly feel like proper modules. I like how the lecturer is soo soooo gangster like and that he teaches with loads of examples from what is happening outside in the real world. I like it that I probably can relate to any structure I come across when going out. Which is why I'm in civil engineering! We build civilizations! =) Steel structures are so awesome in what it can accomplish as compared to boring grey concrete structures. Haha. Hope those concrete ppl don't drop a block of concrete on my head. In the end, composite is the way to go. A mix of concrete and steel.

Soil ah... soil ah.. Soil actually means suay in hokkien I think. How can the lecturer go thru 2 questions in two hourss?!? Somemore the example is already fully explained in the text book. Really wasting time la going for lessons in this module. the problem with easy modules is that if you make even a careless mistake, you can be pretty sure that 50% of the cohort got it correct. I definitely could have done better in the exam, but complacency got the better of me. The majority of year 4s kept telling me that its easy and the exam shouldn't be a problem. True enough, the exam wasn't a problem. The problem was not taking the module seriously enough. At the end of the day, listening to the majority only makes you one of them, detrimental in a bell curve scenario.

And as for my FYP, well, lets just say I'm more worried for this more then any other module, and that I've been worrying about it all through exams. sigh sigh fyp fyp..